And so here we are...

I'm at work, and I should totally be doing something else, but I don't care at this point. I just found out Monday that all of the temporary positions are being eliminated on January 30th. Meaning that by next Friday... I don't have a job. So I have no motivation now to do anything at all. I'm scared, cause I haven't found another job yet, and with the way the job market is, I think I'm kinda screwed. I'm probably going to have to move back in with my parents which in and of itself isn't really that bad. It'll help me save some money when I finally do get another job, at least. But dear god I moved out cause my mother was driving me bat shit crazy. I don't want to deal with that again. I'll kill her, myself, or both of us. If you hear about a horrific murder/suicide in the near future in the Central Valley... it was me. lol.

I also decided to start writing here about my experience with my ex-husband. It's up to 3 installments now, the one titled Broken Fairy Tale. I guess I mostly started writing it to try and deal with things. I never really took the time to do that once I finally left him, and it's come back to haunt me. Literally. Starting a couple months after I left, I began to have horrible nightmares, some were bad enough that I'd wake up screaming, crying or both. I almost took my current boyfriend's arm off one night when he tried to wake me up during a particularly realistic nightmare. Poor guy heard me crying, and felt bad just letting me sleep through it. Not knowing exactly what I was dreaming, he reached over me to gently try and shake me awake. I sat straight up, grabed his arm, and threw it off of me. He knows not to do that anymore. lol.

I don't know if anyone is actually reading that story, but if you are, I thank you for taking the time. It's not pretty by any means, and parts are probably somewhat boring to most people. But I felt...trapped by the fear and hurt and anger that I still held deep inside my head and my heart, and I felt that by writing about it, I could finally come to terms with everything, and make peace with my deamons. If you do take the time to read, and decide to comment, please be kind. It's taken a while for me to get the guts to even think about talking about everything, and it's even harder for me to write it out and pretty much relive everything again. Go ahead and comment if you wish, but please keep all that in mind.

Thanks for stopping by.